A Love Story, Part 1 (Lucille)

The trips back and forth to the office and the girlfriend’s workplace weren’t enough. She still longed to dance in empty lots and parking garages. She reminded you to take advantage of the weather, “I know it’s kind of chilly, but suck it up.” I gave in and took you to the empty parking lot across the street. I didn’t wear a helmet and I had my headphones in, two things that I make sure do and don’t happen when I’m riding the city. I just figured it would be a quick trip out. We tried new moves and then figured out how to do them better. We pulled things off that we didn’t even mean to but made it look so easy. I would laugh out loud when this would happen and you would just stroll along like you knew we could do it perfectly every time. The Doors Best Of played in the background of our routine. Morrison’s voice and the band’s sounds made the world melt away until it was just us there.

The sun went down and the chill really did set in then. You, however still were not done. I took you through an alley where we ended up in front of New Balance. We entered a trackstand, pedaled backwards making a half-circle and then rode away. Our form and balance had been perfect. I looked around to see if anyone had seen us in the dark. Not a soul, it was a moment that is only ours. From there I took you to a covered parking garage where we wove our ways through pillars and empty parking spots. The Doors and our actions were timed impeccably. We left and went to another lot where I insisted we practiced our trackstands yet again. Then we went downtown. I took us to Este where my longing for those miniature, delicious cinnamon-sugar pillows of joy was denied. Due to lack of grabbing my wallet as I rushed us out the door of my apartment earlier. From there we went to Broadway and climbed a parking garage to the top. Only about 6 stories, Ray Manzerek’s organ spiraled along with us all the way to the top and as the night sky broke into view the organ’s crescendo was finished and we were offered a moment to relax as we made our way to the edge of the building to watch the street below. People sat a bar across the street as cyclists uneasily passed over the tracks on Main Street. Only a few cars drove around, traffic had been very minimal this night, for which we were both thankful. We didn’t stay long and made our way down the parking garage onto a brick street. The road rumbled beneath us. We broke onto a cross street, took a left through an intersection, pedaled hard up a street after another left until we ended in an alley headed towards another parking garage. Where once again, the tricks we were pulling off, were making me laugh.

The End began to play in my ears. I checked my phone and realized it was actually getting late. I took you through more alleys and streets until we ended up on 300 E. headed north. The light at 100 S. was red, so we took this moment to rest. Well, for me to rest. The next block was a climb. Something we both don’t enjoy. I hate the burn, and you make funny pings and ticks on any hill we decide to take on. It makes me nervous. The light turned green and I put my feet into straps and began to pedal. We did it smart. We didn’t rush ourselves, we were steady. We let trippy sitars and ambiance distract us. We were at the top of the hill before I knew it and onto South Temple headed home.

Fresh Crop

I've been messing around with my Nex5. 

Premium Rush: Bangkok

Recently, I sat down and watched Premium Rush (took me long enough, I know). I was actually kind of excited to see it. Being the fair weather cyclist that I am, it would appear to be my cup of tea. I hadn't really asked anyone about the movie or what they thought about it since it had come out. What I heard mostly is that it was pretty cheesy, and I figured it's a movie about NYC bike messengers, so it should be pretty hard to mess up. I mean, what is there to mess up really?

I was wrong. So. Fucking. Wrong.

Premium Rush is actually terrible. It's surprising to me that JGL's career didn't suffer from this. I bet it keeps him up at night though. The dialogue is shit. Acting is shit. The bike parts are halfway cool. The story is less entertaining than if I decided to walk my bike through the park.

And that GPS nonsense they did was just lame.
AND!
That different scenarios bullshit they kept doing? stop it.

As I was sitting watching this train wreck, it dawned on me that if they had come to me, Premium Rush would have been the dark, sleek thriller it was supposed to be.

Firstly, whoever did soundtrack for the original should be slapped around a bit...okay sorry, a lot. I'm not even going to mess around and try to find someone for this, my only option, hands down is Hans Zimmer. 

Now, I'm going to rework the cast.

WYLEE

You just didn't do it for me Joseph. You are Lincoln's son for fuck's sake! Don't try and act like a degenerate.

Dicaprio, now there's a guy who can make me think he's a scamp. Did you see Titantic?! On top of that, dude is an incredible actor who can generally convince me that any time that he is on film that it's real life. 

VANESSA

Dania you just didn't do it for me either. You weren't the sexy, strong female lead that I require for my silver screen magic. Just because you use a chain to whip the rear view off a taxi doesn't make you hard, and it doesn't make me hard either.

Noomi Rapace, you kind of scared me in that Girl with the Dragon Tattoo stuff, but in a dark, dirty sort of way. Oh and you were totally a banging hot gypsy in Sherlock. I need her unique foreign looks to add to the character, and you know you want to see a Leo/Noomi sex scene.

 BOBBY MONDAY

Michael Shannon, what was your inspiration for this part? Obviously Liotta had some influence, but what was the other part? If I had to guess I would say you studied a lot of 90s gangster movies and consulted "How to Try and Act Like Ray Liotta as a Shithead Cop in a Shit Film About Fixed Gear Bikes That Needs Some Sort of Dickhead Antagonist for Dummies."

If you want to get a guy to do a Ray Liotta part, the best thing to do is to get the man himself, if you don't you just end up looking like an asshole. I don't care how much of the budget I need to spend on coke and hookers Ray would play my Bobby Monday.

MANNY

Wole Parks plays opposite of JGL, and much to my disdain is a total jerk to him the whole time. The movie opens with Levitt saying messengers stick together and then immediately introduced is Manny, a girlfriend stealing, carbon frame riding, ticket stealing dick face.

Did you feel the energy between Leo and Djimon Hounsou in Blood Diamond? Hot fire. On top of that connection and this guy being an incredible actor, he's ripped as hell. Gotta have some more eye candy for the ladies, and have a dude who looks good, but not better than my lead who can still contribute to the awesomeness of my film.

RAJ and PHEOBE

Despite these two only having bit parts, they made me sick to stomach. Raj is a creepy, slimey fuckface pervert type and Phoebe is the dispatcher chick with attitude because her boss is a creepy, slimey fuckface pervert type. Now, casting apparently decided to take a nap when they were doing auditions for these parts because these two parts are incredibly important.

Morgan Freeman would be the lone dispatcher. Not only dispatching order tickets, but also wisdom and advice to his couriers. Guiding them, but not fully disclosing their futures.

BIKE COP

Christopher Place, I want to apologize on behalf of the crew of the original Premium Rush for making you look like such a helpless douche. I can't even find a screen cap of you from the movie to put on here. You do awesome stunts in awesome movies and they exploited your passion to sacrifice your body for the perfect shot.

Channing is the perfect meathead for this part. I've heard his acting was pretty good in Magic Mike and he actually made me laugh in 21 Jump Street. He looks upstanding enough to be a cop, but in Bangkok he's a rough and tumble mercenary working bike patrol in the streets for the Bangkok government.

NIMA

Jamie Chung you are beautiful. You too were exploited in the original. I really hope that accent was fake, if it was you should be ashamed. I almost kept you on the original cast.

But Freida Pinco totally gets your spot. This slumdog is beautiful and tender, and I believe she would be perfect to fill the part of the young, kidnapped girl being sold into sex trade.

Now with the players set, the stage must be set.

I'm keeping the same idea kind of, just stick with me for a minute.

In Thailand's dirtiest city, bicycle messengering is a dangerous game. Bangkok yields to no ones right of way and takes no prisoners. To be a courier there means to be the best, and to never open the package. When James, a messenger with a dark past, (Dicaprio) takes a last minute ticket for a premium rush, he gets more than he bargains for. Pursued by Emerson (Liotta), a filthy crime lord and a valiant government mercenary named Johnson (Tatum), James becomes intwined in the depraved, disgusting world of the sex trade. With help from his friends Rica (Rapace) and Baako (Hounsou) and guidance from dispatcher Frank (Freeman) will James be able to deliver and keep his life? 

Slice of fried gold.

A Lie.

A few years ago a close friend mine invited me back east for a weekend at his home in Vermont. He lived in the woods just south of a small village tucked away in the hills. A place to clear your mind and forget modern civilization. I had my bags packed as soon as possible and had purchased a ticket last minute for stand by. The flight I was hoping for ended up not filling up, which I was extremely grateful for. My plane took me west into Boston’s Logan Airport, where I ran across the terminal to catch my flight to Burlington, VT. I arrived at the Burlington Airport around 9am, where my friend met up with me. It had been such a long time since I had seen this old friend of mine. He hugged upon greeting each other and proceeded to head to his truck. The truck was an old Ford farm truck. It had been his fathers, and when he passed my friend had taken over possession. We climbed into the old rig and headed out of the small city. We chatted for a bit as we drove south, towards my friend’s home. The sun was shining; it was a warm autumn day. All the oranges, reds and yellows were blending together into one fiery blur as we sped passed them on the highway. We spoke of the how our families were and how we ourselves had been. We arrived at my friends place around noon and as we pulled up, the place looked just as I imagined it would. It was an old hunting lodge that had also belonged to the father of my friend. A tangled mass of antlers hung above the front porch. A twisted trophy chandelier to accent the rustic wood and natural outdoor surroundings of the lodge. The inside den was adorned with John Wayne movie posters, old lever action rifles and other classic nostalgia from greater times. My friend showed me to my room and told me he was going to check under the hood of his father’s old truck. I unpacked my bags and laid on the bed. I gazed out the window into the woods nearby…

The next thing I remember my friend is waking me from a deep sleep. He makes jokes about jet lag and proceeds to tell me that since I’ve been asleep he’s already run to town and made dinner. At dinner my friend also tells me of the trip he has planned for us tomorrow. A hunting trip. The woods nearby are full of deer and with the season closing in a few weeks he says this would be the perfect opportunity for us to take advantage of the location of the lodge. My friend says he has all the gear we’ll need. We stay up only a few hours longer, reminiscing and conversating. My friend shows me the rifle he is going to let me use. It’s an old bolt action rifle, which also belonged to his father. The wood is worn from years of use. The metal of the scope has tiny scrapes and scratches on it. My friend assures me; that despite its looks it was very reliable. His father had taken very good care of it, and since it had been in his possession it had received the same care.

My friend awakes me from another deep sleep. I was dreaming about…the beach. He tells me it’s time to go. I need to get my gear on. Get my backpack on.  He hands me his father’s old rifle as I’m wiping the tired from my eyes and following him out the door. It’s around 4am, and the sun had yet to come up. The air is frigid, bites at my nose and fingertips. Large clouds of steam are coming from my mouth and nostrils. Despite my thermal gear and outerwear the cold still manages to throw a chill down my spine.

My friend takes us about 5 miles from the hunting lodge through the sprawling autumn forest and the rolling hills. He stops us at a point where the woods break into an incredibly vast meadow. My friend tells me that this is the spot where we will find what we want. We hunker down in the grass on the edge of the meadow and prepare to wait. My friend assures me that he has seen many deer come through this area. An hour passes with nothing. The sun is starting to make the morning sky glow. About halfway through our second hour of waiting my friend draws my attention to the far side of the field. I put my eye to the scope and see what he does. It’s a buck. I don’t remember exactly what point. I do remember at this point becoming extremely nervous. My friend senses my tenseness and tells me to wait. We both watch as the deer makes it’s way across the meadow, coming closer and closer to us. My friend tells me to wait, still. Closer and closer it comes. Only about a hundred yards away. I have the animal locked in my sights, but I’m waiting. The animal turns, exposing its side to me.

The sun has set the hills around the meadow on fire as my friend and I walk up to the deer.

It’s breathing slow.

It watches with black eyes as we approach.

Steam is rising from the wound and from the ground where blood has been spilled.

One final breath visibly dissipates into the cold fall morning.

Despite being raised in a pro gun household in North Eastern Nevada I have never been hunting.

The only time I have ever spent in Vermont was as an infant or on vacation with my parents.