When I first started this blog it was with the intention that it would help my writing. Help me sort out my ideas. Maybe help me make sense of things that had happened, were happening or that were to happen. I found that writing was something I really loved, and since starting this blog I have had many incredible opportunities to display my ideas not only on the internet via this blog, but also in print with local mag, Salt Lake Underground. I used to tell someone very special to me that "I would never want writing to become my job, or something I had to do. I think I would end up hating it."
Spilling your ideas onto a piece of paper (screen) is an incredible feeling. Have you ever written out exactly how you feel about something? Explaining exactly what your thoughts are? What drives you to think a certain way? It is cathartic. Find something that drives you. Be it good or bad or sad or happy. Write about it. Explain everything. Write for as long as you need too or until you just can't anymore. Then sit back, and look at what you've put down. Consider how many pages it took, how your words or even your handwriting was affected by what you were feeling, how much time you spent doing it, and so many other countless things only yourself could notice... and I guarantee you will feel better. You will feel like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders, or that you have accomplished something, or that something you have been meaning to say is finally out there and not just in your head. (where things don't make any sense at all.)
I haven't posted on here in about a month. I have had some things going on in my personal life which are not only firsts but which I have no idea how in the fuck to deal with (yet anyway, it's a work in progress sort of thing) and to be honest this blog has been the last thing on my mind. Like I said, I've been a bit out of the loop lately, but I'm also working on that.
I realize now that I should have kept writing in those hard times. Instead of just saying fuck it, I should have been penning out what I was thinking. I have always thought myself better at expressing what I'm feeling and thinking through words rather than actually speaking them. It's part of this crippling disorder I have known as SuperFuckingSociallyAwkward, but that's beside the point. Maybe I would have handled things differently, maybe things would be different. But who has time for the maybes when the here and nows are bat shit?
The only thing I can do now is make a continued effort to write. I feel as though I may have been taking it for granted just a bit and it's time to make amends.
wish me luck.
Let's talk again about this time next week? ... or two weeks from now? or three?
;)
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