Tuesday, November 26, 2013

one more dance. ( a love story, pt. 3)

You sat next to the door for too long, I know. I’m sorry!
I tell you I’m sorry a lot don’t I? you know I mean it.
I don’t like leaving you leaned there by your lonesome for so long, it’s just the sun goes down at 5pm and the Mexican market has incredible deals on a mindblowing assortment of pastries in just about every color and flavor you could imagine, but I know you don’t care about those things.

We did dance yesterday though. You were just as surprised as I was when I got off of work early. And with an extra 5 hours of daylight in my pocket I think you knew I wouldn’t waste in on Netflix or with my nose buried in my phone. I packed a bag full of clothes to try and sell at the shop across town, put on many a layer of my own apparel and set out to stretch both our legs.

Over the bridge we went, storming up it quicker than usual. Looking out at highest point on the bridge we could see the mountains and surrounding hills were covered in snow. A reminder that made us sad winter was so close, that we were only really riding on borrowed time, because by some miracle the ground was not yet covered in that awful substance that taunted us from far away.

Over to Main where we followed the rails south, out of downtown and then east towards Sugarhouse. We didn’t go through Liberty Park, which is strange because we usually do. Instead we stuck to the small neighborhoods where there were no cars, or people. OR DOGS TO CHASE US TEN BLOCKS. (that’s another story)
It was just you and I, and that was nice.

We ran our errands and took our time heading home. I stopped and grabbed lunch and you waited patiently. After we were home I set you right back by the door and went about doing my own things for a bit.

I think I surprised you again when I took you up once again a few hours later. We had one more errand to run before the night was over (I had to return some video tapes). With more layers on myself than before we left once again. My feet and head wrapped with wool, my Columbia shell and hoodies and flannels keeping me comfortably warm from the cold November night air. 

Up and over the bridge, this time taking in the city and it’s lights.
How many times did we see this same exact view this summer?

How many times did you carry me away?
When I was sad. When I was happy. When I couldn’t even think because I had so many thoughts.

This trip was short, much shorter than the day’s earlier trek. It was well needed, as is all the time I spend with you.

I set you by the door once more, and said goodnight.

Lucille you’ve seen so much since we’ve started riding together, not just of the road but of me.





Before Lucille, I had a bike named Anubis. 
Anubis was quite the problem child. In addition to helping me remove the tip of my finger, he was also plagued with many problems that hurt my pocket book and eventually lead to his demise as a piecer that has sat in storage for about a year now.
Anubis will rise again, as something else. His time as a fixed gear are over, he will be much happier as a mountain bike or a hybrid commuter.

Enough about Anubis, I was trying to make a point about Lucille.

Despite my rigorous use of her throughout this whole summer, she was solid.
She's quite the solid steel, English lass.






love you.

Monday, November 11, 2013

breaking points.

So a few months back I though I was losing my mind.
I was at a very strange point in this year of 2013.
I spent a lot of time in bed. Self medicating as I saw fit, something that may not have been healthy, not so much for my physical body, but rather my mental health.

This summer was long and hot. The heat and my madness and situations I found myself in drove me to a point I had never been to before, bringing out something I had never seen in myself before.
Writing about it makes me uncomfortable.

Fast forward a few months later. Some more things have happened and I’m very confused by them and what they mean.
My best solution was to hide. To sit away in the dark of my room from the time I got off work to the time I had to be ready in the morning. Medicated and numb I spent the fleeting summer months in a haze and got lost in nothing for a while.
A few weeks back I wrote a post about checking back in. Things were still hazy then but are getting clearer now. I can look back now and wish that I hadn’t just shut out the world, but I’m glad I chose to. It showed me that if I come to a point in my life that drives me to behave and think the way I was, that I would much rather talk some shit out with friends than to let it drive me into life as a recluse.

I must say though, the recluse life is where it’s at. When you make cookies, all the cookies are yours. You get to pick which movie is next every time. I can lay around in my underpants (with the door closed of course) and eat Ritz crackers and be covered in a blizzard of cracker crumbs and salt, without judgment.  As much as I would love to tell you more about the lush life of the recluse, I’ll get back to the half-assed idea I was trying to get at earlier.

For me it was a learning experience. Looking back, it’s interesting to see how everything unfolded. How what I did or didn’t do, and how it affected how the last year has been playing out. Now is a very good opportunity to take a moment and see what I have learned.
I won’t go into that.

The thing that gets me is that everything is still just a learning process. I left school and thought that was it.  22 year old me was stoked on everything and totally got how the world worked. 24 year old me knows better! (I love everyone** and everything in my life. I am very grateful for what I have and whatever comes my way.)

I have said it before, I never really understood that people are people and they are doing the exact same thing I am. Thinking.



**and by everyone I mean there is a select group, there’s still a whole lot of dickheads out there. Don’t worry. If you’re reading this there’s at least half a chance I think you’re pretty neat. ; )  

Sunday, November 3, 2013

randoms.


It is definitely Fall.



One of the many neighborhood cats I've been attempting to make friends with.



I get to walk by this EVERYDAY on my way to work, I thought I would share it with you :)
(NORTH TEMPLE IS FUCKING CRAZY) 


 Sorry for showing you actual human shit, here are some flowers though.