ignore this.

I can never seem to stop the stream of thoughts trickling through my mind.

It’s alarming to me, that despite being able to appear calm and collected on the outside, a person can have a war raging, out of control, vicious and infectious, in their mind. I never realized that thoughts could drive someone mad.

I try to think back to when I was younger, let’s say 18, and remember what was going to through my mind at that time, as I sat in those classrooms, came along for those car rides, spent time alone in my room. I honestly can’t tell you what I was thinking, but I know my perception of things, people, the world wasn’t what it is nowadays.

I never sat around thinking the words people used or their body language.

I don’t ever remember contemplating whether or not I was a terrible person for the choices I had made, I just made them.

I flew by the seat of my pants through those years.

And now at 25 (I won’t go on about being an old soul, as mine still has much aging to do) I’m sitting here and I’m thinking about all my choices and decisions. Actions and inactions.

People say “live with no regrets,” something I held very dear when I was younger.

How many people did I hurt, how many events did I set myself up that would eventually trap me and leave me with the baggage I have now?

I don’t regret the things I’ve done, but I do think about them. Sort them out in my mind.

We are so ruled by our emotions when we’re younger it’s hard not to live with a “no regrets/in the moment” mentality and abuse the hell out of it.

But after we chalk up a few more years and the tears are still welling up and the purging of them doesn’t fix anything anymore, what the fuck are you supposed to do?

Think about it. Figure that shit out because if you don’t it will haunt you, and you’ll let it for the rest of your life.

And on top of that, one day you will die and all those thoughts in your mind will cease.

And then what good was all that self-torment and introspection?

P.S. I’m just kidding about that last statement (kind of).

Keep your mind sharp and never stop thinking.