burn.

Recently, there has been much on my mind.
I've been itching for a real ride, but due to my schedule lately (work, office, laying around doing jack shit) I haven't been able to make it out at night.

To make up for this lack of activity I decided that I should use the errands that I needed to run as an excuse to get a good use out of Lucille. So with this decided, I packed my bag full of old clothes, to sell to a local resale store about 7 or so miles away from my place.

I threw my bag on my back, mounted Lucille and set out.
Leaving my place I could feel the burn in my legs already. I had skipped breakfast and was already set on making good time on my run to the second hand store, so I decided to continue on rather than head back home and grab anything to eat.

There was so much on my mind that I realized I had hardly been paying attention to the world around me. I had been passing through traffic, without a care. I had been mentally exhausted before the ride even began.

With my body burning and my mind running, my riding was becoming more and more shitty. I had to refocus. I decided that I had to focus on one thing, and that was riding my bike. I pushed the thoughts out of my mind and let the burn in my legs take over my brain.

I felt the road. The bumps. The dips.
I felt Lucille. Her handlebars on my palms. The way her tires gripped the road as we took hard turns.
I felt my body. Burning. Sweaty. Hot. Tired.

I felt a weight lift off of me.
My lungs opened.
My pace quickened.
My legs spun round and round, my chest heaved in sync.

The burn left.

After the resale store I decided I would swing by the Bike Collective and find a new seat post for Lucille.
The store minions had only take a few of my items so I was still stuck with a pack full of clothes.
Which I decided to welcome, as it would only add to the exertion I would have to put forth to continue on my ride.
The ride to collective was smooth. 21st South is lovely.

As I headed home I reflected on my ride.
In the beginning I had almost regretted even leaving the house.
Malnourished and tired, I had pushed my body (albeit, this was no Tour de France but you get what I'm saying) and was now on my way home, tasks accomplished.

After getting home, I put Lucille away and made my way to my room. I sat on my bed and assessed myself. (With a ham sandwich and Squirt to help me hash it all out)
I felt as though I had been crying. You know the feeling; tired, fried, both mentally and physically exhausted, yet I had not shed a single tear.

When things aren't clear, I ride.
It gives me my time away from everyone, even myself.
All the feelings, thoughts, ideas, bullshit are left in my midst.
Cycling gives me an outlet, not only a way to burn the fat off my body but also from my soul.

You're probably getting a bit tired of my bike related rantings, but sometimes I need to write to remind myself.

Sometimes I need to remind myself that no matter what, even though it might take a little while, the burn will always fade and I will always push through.